Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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