I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
