Where did you get a picture of my penis
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
