OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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