she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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