I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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