Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you have to choose: penises or morals?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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