If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
