Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize