If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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