I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
