Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
