WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
