I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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