I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
