Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
