9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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