M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
