too bad you live with your parents still
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
