I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
