I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
