how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just high enough for therapy.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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