She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
