We got so high we made milksteak
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
