Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
