I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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