So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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