you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
