I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
