You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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