remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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