guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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