Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
