I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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