During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Randomize