My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
