words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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