Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
