Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
