i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
