...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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