My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
