That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
What a dumb baby whore.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
They are going to name an STD after you.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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