so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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