I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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