Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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