gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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