I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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