I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Please don't give away my fajitas
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
