Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize