You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
