So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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