she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize