Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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