my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Randomize
