I can feel you judging me through the phone.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize