I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
