he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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