my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
This house was built for laser tag.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
