you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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