first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
